Wednesday, March 31, 2010

This is How I Feel About It ...

Today was that kind of day ... the kind where you tie a knot and just hang on. I laughed, I cried, I hurt, and I loved. It started with a great morning bible study and blog post for this week's lesson. It gave me a real boost. He knows its hard to be us.

Now. I don't allow myself to get down very often about my oldest kid's choices. I try to focus on the hope I have for him instead. I love him. I love him unconditionally. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that there are days that it doesn't hurt like the dickens (is that a real a word? What's a dickens!). Today happened to be one of those days. I try to keep it real here on the blog and sometimes that means admitting that everyday is not a party.

It doesn't really matter what the trigger was, that's not the point. Just sometimes, stuff brings me to my knees. I love my son, I just don't love his attitude sometimes. But it's not even that - not really. Because quite frankly, I live and breath for my faith, husband, children, grandchildren, family, and friends. What this is really about to me is having a close relationship even if he lives 1000 miles away. But our differences in religion, politics, lifestyle, and even food just make it kinda hard for us to relate and there are days when it just plain hurts. Today was one of those days. I love him anyway. I remind myself, and God reminded me this morning, that He knows its hard to be us. Enough said.

If you can't forgive and forget, pick one.

Can anybody say Spring Break?! The last two days and nights Kevin has been busy being a grandpa. He and Clayton whooped up the town in Chicago - they hit the Museum of Science & Industry, Shed's Aquarium, took a spin thru the downtown sights and on Lakeshore Drive, and then stopped at a dairy farm on the road trip back home. I got some Havarti Onion and Asiago cheese as a souvenir, yay! But don't let me breath on you, cuz you might get knocked down.

So when's Rhegan's turn? I'm so glad you asked ... cuz grandma (my sweet self!) is picking her up this Saturday. We've got a waaay better agenda than the boys ... we're gettin' manicures and going shopping and eating pizza! See what I mean?

Keep busy and stay positive! That's been my mantra for the last 2 months. But there are days when I just miss my momma. Just miss her, I tell ya. I want to know what she is doing now, what it was like to die and enter the presence of our Lord, and what she would say to me now if she could. Isn't that crazy! Like it would change things or something. It was such a blessing to participate in celebrating her life. It was an uplifting and inspiring funeral. I came away wanting to lead a better and more exemplary life. I've come to better understand that it's not what you leave to your children, it's what you leave in your children that matters most.

And now it's back to normal life here at home. I've got my to-do lists (tax prep, meeting planning, bill-paying, notes to write and creations to create) and I'm teaching the women's bible study next week so there's a lesson to work on. Happiness! Today, I'm feeling quite inspired to be a better me. I'm finding joy in the love of the Lord and my family. I am blessed. And ... He knows its hard to be us.

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.